If “not being heard” is the number one complaint of most parents, then “lack of motivation” has to be number two! I have often heard parents say, ” I have to ask my kids a million times to get hem to finish something.” Wouldn’t you rather supervise them in a positive way, and have them initiate tasks on their own?
Tag Archives | privileges
It can begin at an early age…your kid learns how to manipulate you. Babies realize that crying gets attention, young kids learn that begging gets them what they want, and as they get older, they learn about guilt trips and other manipulative behaviors. As a parent, your job is to teach your kid that there is greater benefit to negotiating rather than manipulating.
I’ve seen many parents get themselves into trouble because their kids are smart or mature for their age and talk them into what they believe they deserve and are able to earn. However, other factors are involved, including environmental, social, and legal standards.
Remember, having to earn something is the major difference between rights and privileges. Kids must always work for their privileges. The main message is:
“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, then put some responsibility on their shoulders” – Abigail Van Buren
The beauty of having your children earn their privileges, and the lessons that can be learned.
As the adult in the home, more often than not, creating peace in your home is up to you, so I hope these few ideas will find a useful place in your “toolbox”, and your home will be a place of strong relationships, a place of learning and a place where children thrive.
Motivation starts with parents helping their kids identify and label privileges correctly. Once kids learn the difference between rights and privileges, they are more motivated to earn such privileges. These kids are less likely to have a sense of entitlement, or to be hurt in the long run by that sense of entitlement.
Let’s say you have a twelve-year-old boy who has enjoyed many privileges up to now – before you understood the principle of earning privileges. How are you going to help him understand that from now on, he needs to earn those privileges?
As I have mentioned before, the first step in motivating your child is for you to create a list of privileges you think may motivate your kids. Great start! Let’s check and make sure that any assumptions made are actually correct. Now it’s time to involve your kid.
Privileges should be desirable to the kid…In order for you to have any leverage when using privileges as incentive for reward, you must make sure the privilege is something your child wants. So, while I’ve provided suggestions for age appropriate privileges, the best way to find out what you kids consider rewarding